Log in

No account? Create an account
18 September 2013 @ 02:15 am
Dear Nana,

I used to write you all the time. You were the best penpal ever. Thinking back on it now, I think you must have been pushing me to write. I knew not all the grandkids wrote you. I always had that with you, it was our special bond, and I think you did it because you knew writing was the best way I had to express myself.

I will always regret that in those last few years, I didn't write to you as much.

So I'm writing this to you now. Thank you. I love you. I love that you always took pictures of the deer around your house, to send to me later because you knew how much I loved them. I love you for letting me berry pick with you and help you make pies. I love your smile and your laugh, and I can still hear your voice in my ear sometimes - I don't think I will ever forget the sound of your voice. I have this picture of us that I keep by my bed, I think I must be about one in the picture. I'm wearing a frilly dress and you're kissing my cheek. Not just a peck though...it looks like you were laughing while you did it. There is so much love in that photo.

A lot has been going on with me that I wish you knew about. I have another niece! Her name is Skylar and she is the sweetest baby I've ever met. You would have loved her. I think you can see her from wherever you are. It hit me awhile ago that my mom will be to Heather and Skylar what you were to us. My mom is a grandmother now.

I was alone the day that I got the phone call from my mom. I called Della at work, and I could barely talk because my voice was shaking so bad. I didn't cry though. I didn't cry until later, when I got the call that you had died. Should I say 'died'? I hate saying 'passed away' so much. Is it supposed to soften the blow? It doesn't. I don't think anything really can.

I went to work the next day and worked my shift. I have no idea how I made it through. I broke when I told my manager that I couldn't make some of my shifts the following week because of the funeral. Sobbed right there in the stockroom. It was my first week at a new location - I had just met him, but he hugged me. I will always remember that kindness.

I guess it goes without saying that I was not happy at the funeral. I felt distanced from you. You were loved by so many, but I feel like they didn't capture your true spirit - like it was a funeral for someone else. I had no idea how important it is to be in a couple when you're at a funeral. Della couldn't make it and everybody else was paired up, and we were following the casket down the aisle and I was by myself, and then Morgan swooped in and took my arm and I have never loved my brother more than in that moment. I hated that there was an open casket at the viewing. I know that they did an amazing job of hiding any burn marks, but I couldn't bring myself to touch you. It wasn't you anymore at that point. Your tombstone is gorgeous though. It has your lake on it, and I know you'd love that.

Grandpa has written a couple times, but I can never seem to bring myself to send any more than a card. The first letter I got from him, I cried before opening. He was taking over for you, sending cards on our birthdays and at Christmas, and I saw his shaky handwriting and just missed you so much I couldn't stand it.

Sometimes I feel lost, but overall I think I'm doing well and that you would be proud of the person I'm becoming. I have no idea how you feel about body art but considering that you didn't care one bit that I was dating a black guy, I don't think you'd mind all the tattoos me and the cousins have been getting. I got one for you. For me and you, actually. It's a teacup, which is so you and me, and it has a little bird on the rim, and it's surrounded by flowers.. I didn't really tell anyone that it was for you though. To me, it doesn't need to be explained. I was packing away the china teacup that you gave me - the British Columbia one. I chose it because it had the prettiest flowers on it, to me. And I still have the black elephant teapot. I think of you every time I look at it.

I have no idea what I want to do with my life, but I recently decided to get back into knitting, sewing, and crafts which I know are all things you loved. I wish I had spent more time with you doing them. They gave me all your cake pans though. I'm not going to lie...I haven't baked with them,yet. I haven't been able to bring myself to. I feel like I should find one of your favourite recipes before I do. Next time I'm up north at the lake, I'll look through your old recipes and find the perfect one. Who would have thought that cake pans could be so intimidating?

I've been a bridesmaid on three occasions, have had opportunities to wear pretty dresses and have my hair done in fancy updos. To slow dance with someone I love and feel like the most beautiful girl in the room. I've had struggles and heartbreaks but I've always pulled through. I want to get married eventually, or just...be the most important person to someone. I want to experience childbirth and being a mother someday, if I can. Learn how to drive, travel someplace breathtaking, do something exhilarating, or something crazy and stupid.

I want to do so many things, and I wish you were here to witness them, I wish I could talk to you one last time. I miss you so much, and I will always love you.

Love always and forever,

11 September 2013 @ 02:11 am
Sooo, I was hanging out with my friend Devin on Sunday and we were talking about how we had no fucking clue what we really wanted to do/be when we grew up. And he was like "what do you mean you don't know?? You should just decorate people's houses, you seem like you'd love it"

And I was like "hmm"

I mean, okay. I know EVERYBODY is pinning away on Pinterest ideas for their homes and whatnot, but I have seriously just started looking at all furniture as a starting point to other things, like re-painting/re-finishing/re-upholstering etc.and I'm totally serious about doing it. I have projects lined up for after I move that involve sewing, painting, crafts etc. Especially sewing. I have plans to re-vamp some of my furniture so that I'm not just buying new furniture, and I've been keeping an eye on Craigslist and Kijiji for pieces that are the style I want, because I can change colour etc.

I'm kind of in limbo right now. I want to take nutrition classes, but like...I don't see myself having a Monday to Friday 9-5 kind of job, so would it be so bad to have all sorts of side projects like sewing curtains and such, and making home decorations or re-vamping old furniture? My mom took an upholstery course when she was younger and she still knows how to do it. I want to get back into sewing cause it was so much fun when I was a teen. Same with knitting. I was just telling Kyle I wanted to start knitting again.

Okay, I don't plan on making a carer out of all this stuff, but I think it could be fun. I was looking at the Learn 4 Life courses and it has upholstery, interior design, sewing, beadwork, etc. ..I can totally do this.

I'm a hands-on person. I'm going to ask my mom to teach me sewing, because I want to make patchwork curtains for the new place (totally Bohemian yessssss) and possibly a ruffle shower curtain. I saw it on an Anthropologie hacks website and it was super cute. Maybe some cushions as well.

And then I dunno.. I have plans to add wallpaper to my bookcases. I don't have plans for my coffee table because I found a super amazing one already, but I'm thinking next up will be a new dresser, which I'll practice on. Find a style I like, then change the colour, make it vintage. At least practice on something. Then after that keep an eye on Craigslist/Kijiji/garage sales and then try to re-vamp furniture and see if anyone likes it? I saw this idea that I REALLY want to try where people add flat marbles to the tops of side tables then grout it and seal it. Soooo pretty.

Sewing-wise, I mainly want to do it so I can make a patchwork curtain and then re-usable paper towel roll (basically cloth napkins with snaps so that they can attach together) but maybe one day a quilt or my own shirts? I like patchwork anything, including shirts lol, and I've seen those at some stores for like, a hundred dollars? Pass.

Craft-wise, there's tons of things to make: wreaths, vases, picture frames, fabric artwork, etc. Maybe it's because of embracing this whole bohemian thing, a lot of that stuff has a homemade feel to it.

I hate decorating cakes and stuff, and all I can draw is a bowl of fruit pretty much, but damn it, I'm artsy! I'm creative, to an extent. As long as I don't have to do calligraphy or something ;) I used to do crafts with my mom all the time...we even built a shed! I should have kept doing this kind of stuff gah.

Anyway. That's whats on my mind tonight :) 
13 April 2012 @ 12:00 pm
I changed the layout for my blog to something WAY more simple. Also includes a "like" button at the bottom for Facebook! Oh and also, I made a new blog as well, a food blog!

I had been debating starting a baking blog for a long time, since I'm really enjoying blogging this time around. Just one problem: I really don't bake that much anymore! And especially with the transition to paleo, I can't really eat traditional baked goods, BUT I can eat gluten-free/grain-free baking! I've tried one recipe so far, and I will be trying many more. I'm also going to be cooking more primal meals, so I decided to start a paleo blog, but all the names I wanted were taken, until a couple nights ago, when one came to me. It wasn't a general one like I wanted - I decided I wanted a food blog, not a lifestyle one - I'll just continue posting the paleo/primal stuff on my current blog. So, here's the name I chose:

Primal Girl Eats.

I really like it. I like that it's simple and I love the play on words. And it's food specific, and will have everything food-related: photos, recipes I'm trying., food logs, grocery lists, or any blog post about food specifically. 

Thoughts on the new blog, or the name?

There's only an intro post right now, but it's

13 December 2011 @ 03:04 pm
new blog!!: http://quarterlifecleanse.blogspot.com
06 May 2010 @ 10:56 pm
I know it's been awhile since I posted but have no fear! I've been keeping up with my workouts and am now 2 days away from finishing week 3!!!!!
29 April 2010 @ 07:30 pm

I did Burn Circuit 2 yesterday, and the Burn Intervals/Ab trainer videos today. Man, that Burn Intervals is no easier the second week around, but this is only my second time doing it (it's a once a week type video) so I didn't expect to see a huge difference in endurance.

Ooo! One thing that greatly excites me is that this week I'm able to do about 5 more push ups than I could last week!!!

Two more days, and I finally get a rest day. Andy is coming over to do my workout with me tomorrow so it'll be nice to have some company, and *drumroll, please* I am doing my two usual workouts (a cardio and then a stretching/flexibility routine) on Saturday AND THEN DOING ONE OF THE BURN CIRCUITS AGAIN!!! Just because my friend Emma wants to try one of the workouts, and since the whole point of this program is "muscle burns fat", I don't wnat her starting off with a cardio one, I want her to try a circuit style one.  Which also means I will have done SIX workouts in one week!

Also, Cupcake Camp is this Sunday!!!!! I'm baking the Cookies 'n Cream cupcakes as well as the Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough cupcakes tomorrow, and then the Lavender-Iced Brownie cupcakes and the Streusel cupcakes on Saturday. So excited!
26 April 2010 @ 11:18 pm
Saturday was intense. I was sooooo sore. But I finished week 1 and just started week 2 of Chalean Xtreme! Burn Circuit 1 is now finished.
23 April 2010 @ 08:27 pm
Burn Circuit 3 complete!! One more day and I will be done week one, which also means that I will have done 5 workouts this week!! Not counting the ab one and the stretching/flexibility one.
22 April 2010 @ 01:09 pm
Burn Intervals was super crazy, it was 2-3 minutes of intense cardio followed by 2-3 minutes of muscle endurance, so basically just when I felt like I was panting and couldn't breathe it switched to muscle, and then when my muscles were burning, it switched back. Wow. I feel great though, and I can't wait to do Burn Circuit 3 tomorrow, it'll be a break from the crazy cardio. Then it's a 25 minute cardio (much lower intensity) on Saturday followed by a 20 minute stretching/flexibility routine, then rest on Sunday! Yay

I'm gonna check my weight after the two weeks

Oh! And I did 10 minutes of the most intense ab workout I've ever done, I didn't even know those parts of my abs existed...=p
21 February 2010 @ 05:17 pm
Day 1: Burn Circuit 1 of Chalene Johnson's Chalean Xtreme program. Made it through it! Am exhausted and sore, but I feel great!
Day 2 was a rest day and
Day 3(today) was Burn Circuit 2!

I freaking LOVE this workout program, I am pumped and psyched and impatient til tomorrow when I can do another one! Yay!